Warning: This post contains the word fuck. But I think you’ll agree it was totally necessary.

I came across this pumpkin at Fresh Market today. My first reaction was, “Cool!” Then I saw the price and I thought, “What the fuck?”

I can only assume that some farmer got high and decided to put a mold of Frankenstein’s face on his baby pumpkins. Four months later, his wife looked out at the crop and screamed, “What the fuck did you do to the pumpkins, you moron?”

The farmer smiled and said. “Don’t panic. I’ll drive them to Miami. People in Miami will buy our Pumpkinsteins.”

“Oh yeah? And how much do you think the people in Miami will pay for these stupid Pumpkinsteins?” his wife mocked.

“I dunno, fifty dollars?” the farmer guessed while scratching his ass.

And bingo. He guessed correctly. Fifty dollars for a pumpkin in Miami. Happy Halloween, kids! We’re all getting Frankenfucked.

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