When Jason arrived at school today, Grady’s teacher greeted him with a concerned look in her eyes.
Teacher: Mr. Levine, I have some bad news. Grady gave Max the finger.
Jason: He what?
Teacher: Grady gave Max the finger and now he won’t stop crying.
Grady comes running up to Jason with tears in his eyes and snot all over his face.
Grady: Daddy, Max said I “gave him my finger” but I don’t know what that means! What did I do? I’m sorry! Please don’t tell mom about my finger! I’ll never use it again.
So tonight Jason and I had to sit down with our son and explain that two of his fingers are bad guys. That they may seem innocent but, in reality, they are mean and offensive. That those two fingers can never be left alone. They must always be accompanied by a good guy, like Pointer or Ring Man.
We let it soak in.
Me: OK? Now do you understand why the middle finger is bad?
Grady (still crying): Noooooooooo.
And that, my friends, is parenting. Two big middle fingers.