You Want Me to What?

I recently heard about a volunteer opportunity at The Children’s Hospital. You just sit in a rocking chair and cuddle with newborn babies when their parents can’t be there. The rocking and warm embrace is supposed to be therapeutic for them as they heal and prepare to go home. And since I’m probably not having any more babies of my own, I want this job. Put me in, coach. I’m ready to rock.

I went online to register as a volunteer. I was about halfway through the forms when I came across a list of potential job assignments:
– Storytime (I can read.)
– Entertainment (I consider myself very entertaining.)
– Cuddling (I mean, duh.)
– Operating Room (Um, what?)
– Emergency Room (This is a volunteer position? Oookaaay… just note that I tend to laugh hysterically in a crisis.)
– Massage Therapy (Cool. I love massages. Oh, I GIVE massages? Can I just tickle them instead?)
– Hospital Greeter (I can do this. A friendly smile and a tray of champagne flutes. Done and done.)

Anyway, the Operating Room assignment is the one that really threw me for a loop. So, I’m postponing my volunteer efforts until I finish every season of Grey’s Anatomy. Then I’ll be confident and good to go.

Scalpel.

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