Shit

“Shit, another one?”

That was my first reaction on Friday when I heard about the shooting at a Santa Fe high school.

I was not shocked.

I was angry. Sad. Fed up. Pissed off. Devastated. Anxious. Heartbroken. Fearful. Frustrated. Hopeless. Furious. Frantic. Defeated. Confused. And sick. But not shocked.

And that’s the worst part. Because SHOCK is the very first emotion I should have experienced. The fact that I wasn’t even a little surprised means I expected this to happen. I figured it wouldn’t be long. I prayed it wouldn’t be my kid but I knew in the back of my mind that it would eventually be someone’s kid. And when I heard the news, I shrugged my shoulders, threw my hands up and shook my head. Shit.

I don’t want to sound dramatic but sending my kids to school every day has become the scariest part of being a parent.

Has it gone too far? Can we go back? I don’t think I can handle another seventeen years of this shit.

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