Old Saint Nick

Gifts are fun and festive and thoughtful. They’re also another significant factor in the 12 Pains of Christmas. Why? Let me count the ways.

  • The Planning. No matter how many times you make a list of all the people you need to buy gifts for, you will inevitably find yourself in a situation where your neighbor’s sister’s ex-husband’s mother-in-law bought you something. Why she thought of you, you have no idea. But now you have to smack your hand on your forehead and pretend you left her gift at home or at work or at a rest stop somewhere on Route 66. Lies. All lies.
  • The Spending. It doesn’t stop. You may think you’re done but mark my words. On Christmas Eve you will find yourself buzzed, roaming the aisles of CVS and spending your family’s last dollars on a shower radio and an As-Seen-On-TV lint roller.
  • The Wrapping. Every year I throw my back out wrapping gifts. Every f*cking year.
  • The Mistakes. You will buy the wrong thing. The wrong size. The wrong color. The wrong edition. Thanks for playing but you’re just WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Last year, I tried something new with my blog. In an effort to gain more followers, I decided to do 12 days of giveaways. The results? I spent $1,000 on gag gifts and shipping fees for people I’ve known my whole life and wrapped the season up with 2 new followers. That’s two. As in one two. 

So, yes. Gifts are a pain in the ass. But all of those pains melt away when you see your kids tear through the packages and light up with excitement.

Anyway, Merry Christmas.
Old Saint Nick

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