Jobs I Would Never Do

“I am a hairstylist at the American Girl doll salon. I spray water on dolls’ heads and brush out the knots. By the time the kids leave the store with their dolls, all of my hard work looks like total shit again.”
– Not Me

“I am a crime scene cleaner-upper. After some moron ruins a person’s life, I come in and clean up the whole mess. No one thanks me. I’m just there to erase the evidence and make sure everything is pretty and happy again.”
– Not Me

“I am a stunt double. When people are too scared to do things, I step in and take the heat. I literally jump through hoops to make other people look good.”
– Not Me

“I am a deodorant tester. After people run around and get totally sweaty and stinky, I’m in charge of smelling them to make sure they’re still presentable.”
– Not Me

“I am a mom. Turns out I kinda do all of the jobs listed above plus thirty to forty billion more.”
– Me

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