I have the only kid on earth (correct me if I’m wrong) who gives a shit about Santa Claus’s feelings on Easter. Grady insisted on wearing his Santa pjs while dying eggs so The Big Guy wouldn’t think he’d been…
Category: The Boy
Digital Whoopee Cushion
Grady: Alexa, fart. Alexa: [FART] Are you kidding me? She farts?
School Socks
The other day I told Grady that I put new school socks in his drawer. As you can imagine, he was super excited. The next morning, he waltzed out with his backpack and lunch box, calling over his shoulder, “Bye,…
Rosa Parks
It’s Black History Month and Grady has to do a report on Rosa Parks. I’m not gonna lie – I’ve been dreading this project because Grady has no concept of racism or segregation. I knew it was going to make…
Me and My Mop
Last Friday at 6 AM, I woke up to go to the gym. On my way out of the house, I discovered a new body of water running through the kitchen and dining room. A water line had broken. Oh…
Encore! Encore!
We took the kids to see The Lion King on Broadway. They were blown away. I was blown away just watching them be blown away. It was a major blowout for the entire family. But a week or so earlier…
Tapping and Coding
On Saturday mornings, when normal people are still tucked in bed nursing their Friday happy hour headaches, millions of parents are schlepping their children around town to karate, piano, soccer, hockey, cooking, robotics, gymnastics, tennis, painting, mind reading, gardening, surfing,…
TM
Overheard this morning. Grady: Annie, do you know what a trademark is? Annie Bea: No. Grady: You DON’T? Oh, Annie. This is important. Annie Bea: What is a trader? Grady: No. It’s a trademark. And a trademark is an evil…
The Finger
When Jason arrived at school today, Grady’s teacher greeted him with a concerned look in her eyes. Teacher: Mr. Levine, I have some bad news. Grady gave Max the finger. Jason: He what? Teacher: Grady gave Max the finger and…
Thank God
Before everyone enjoyed the meal I prepared last night (pigs in blankets and frozen french fries), Grady said grace: Dear God, Thank you for the food. We couldn’t have survived without it. Amen. When you’re right, you’re right.