Gifts are fun and festive and thoughtful. They’re also another significant factor in the 12 Pains of Christmas. Why? Let me count the ways. The Planning. No matter how many times you make a list of all the people you…
Category: The Ham Sandwich
Smile, It’s Christmas!
Grady was born in 2010. That means I’ve been concepting, writing, designing and addressing Christmas cards for 8 years now. In my opinion, this is one of the biggest pains in the ass that comes with the holiday season. You…
Top 10 in Europe
Top Ten Noteworthy Things that Happened on Our European Cruise 10. I asked the cruise guide if Malta was in Italy or Greece. He asked if I was talking about Malta the country. Oh. 9. Jason bought white shorts and…
I Dropped Him on His Head as a Baby
Ten years ago, Jason and I were putting the final touches on our wedding plans (aka, having drinks with friends at a bar in New York City). That’s when we got the news. A young couple named Stevie and Milo…
How Does My Garden Grow?
When you have kids, you have to do things you don’t want to do. You just have to. You have to read the same bedtime book over and over. You have to brush Barbie’s knotted, ratty hair. You have to search…
Soccer Cones
Apparently we don’t pick up Hammy’s poop in the backyard anymore. We just set up a few soccer cones and that’s that.
Poop Doggy Dog
Hurricane Irma is on her way. So we left Miami to hunker down and drink out, I mean wait out the storm in Orlando. Meanwhile, the kids are finding new ways to entertain themselves before the wind and rain keep…
Missing: Ham
Every Wednesday the pool boy comes. (Don’t get excited, ladies. Our pool boy is overweight with an underbite and wears shockingly tiny shoes.) He makes our pool sparkle and then he leaves. But last Wednesday he forgot to close the…
Pain in the Neck
Kids are a pain in the ass. But my real problem is the pain in my neck. Every parent knows that tightness between the shoulders from pushing a stroller and a shopping cart and a swing and a tricycle. We’ve…
Dr. Ham Sandwich Levine
As parents of humans, we often take our canine children for granted. The ones who don’t talk back, who don’t ask for anything but the occasional treat, who love us so much that their bodies shake when we walk through…