Onions

Onions make Jason gag and dry heave and, if they’re crunchy enough, projectile vomit. It’s important to know these little details about your significant other so that when you have a fight, you never have to go to bed angry.…

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Wackjobs

They should have a psychiatrist in every Labor and Delivery room handing out Wackjob certificates to all the new moms. Because the second you gain a baby  is the second you start losing your mind. You go from “La De…

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A Strong Black Woman

My first boss in the real world was Penny Hawkey. She hired me right out of school and showed me the ropes in a gigantic, fast-paced, New York ad agency. As an award-winning writer from the Mad Men era, she…

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You Want Me to What?

I recently heard about a volunteer opportunity at The Children’s Hospital. You just sit in a rocking chair and cuddle with newborn babies when their parents can’t be there. The rocking and warm embrace is supposed to be therapeutic for…

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And the Password Is

Identity theft is a growing epidemic in our country. So, Grady and Annie Bea, please read this post carefully. There are three basic rules to follow when choosing an online password. Rule #1. Do not pick a word that you…

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Prototypes

Feisty Pets are adorable. They melt your heart. You want to hold them and love them and squeeze them. And then… just when you’ve fallen madly in love, they lose their shit. They release their fangs. Their inner demons appear…

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Nosy

Brace yourselves. I just read about the latest fashion trend and, trust me, you’re going to throw up. Nostril hair extensions. I know. Go throw up. I’ll wait. Now, I want to believe that I’ll grow into a mother who…

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Ten Seconds

I know a mother who lost her son this week. It was very sudden. The blink of an eye. And since I don’t have the words to comfort her (I don’t think those words even exist), I’m asking everyone who…

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Frankenfucked

Warning: This post contains the word fuck. But I think you’ll agree it was totally necessary. I came across this pumpkin at Fresh Market today. My first reaction was, “Cool!” Then I saw the price and I thought, “What the…

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The Halloween Aisle

What you see if you DON’T have little kids: Cuteness. What you see if you DO have little kids: Lice.