Armadillos and Coconuts

Coming home from the gym one morning, I found an armadillo crossing the street in front of our house. An armadillo! Not something you see every day. So, I ran inside to tell my family the exciting discovery I’d just…

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Did You Lock the Door?

Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex? The door swung open and there he was. And there we were. And there it was. Daddy’s ass. Grady: What on EARTH is going on in here? I just got…

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Malcolm Applegate

A man in England lasted only three years with his nagging wife before he “went out for milk” one day and disappeared for ten years. To remain hidden and safe from the old ball and chain, he lived in the…

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Warning: OCD may be deadly.

I have OCD. I mean, all my therapist ever talks about is Generalized Anxiety Disorder but trust me, I have OCD, as well. It’s kinda like my side (dis)order. So, when we discovered the rat problem in our house, it…

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Father-Daughter Dance

She bought a new dress. She had her nails painted. She wore makeup. Her purse was all sparkles. He wore a new belt and matching socks. He gave her flowers. He spun her around. And he had her home by…

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The Luck of the Jewish

Forget leprechauns and shamrocks and The Blarney Stone. If you want to be lucky, just be a Levine. My mother-in-law has had 42 car accidents (3 of which she totaled the car parked behind her in her very own driveway).…

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School Socks

The other day I told Grady that I put new school socks in his drawer. As you can imagine, he was super excited. The next morning, he waltzed out with his backpack and lunch box, calling over his shoulder, “Bye,…

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Segways & Hairnets

Dear Jason, Happy Valentine’s Day. I thought we were cooler than this. Love, Nicole

The Gym

If I ever want to see my husband in shoes again, we’ll have to move to Minneapolis or Anchorage. Jason loves flip flops. He wears them to work. He wears them to dinner parties. He wears them to do yard…

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R as in What?

I am listening to Jason read a long, complicated code to someone on the phone. Jason: C as in Charlie. L as in Lion. Four. Eight. R as in Rabbi… R as in Rabbi. Well, there you have it folks.…

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