Rise and Shine

This morning I woke up next to Annie Bea instead of Jason. As I was wondering where my darling hubby went, I checked my phone and saw that he sent me a text at 12:38 AM. It was just a…

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This Is Your Captain Screaming

Yesterday we boarded the plane for our first of many family adventures this summer. About 20 minutes before landing, my son had to use the bathroom. The bathroom we had been sitting next to the entire flight. Grady was in…

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OMFG

While playing a sweet, innocent game of chess with my son tonight, I answered a text message. (Don’t judge me. It was a text about happy hour. You would’ve done the same thing.) Anyway, obviously frustrated, Grady started complaining that…

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My Type

I never thought I had a “type” but after seven years of dating and a decade of marriage, I think it’s safe to say Jason is my type. What type is that? Jason is the type of guy who doesn’t…

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Armadillos and Coconuts

Coming home from the gym one morning, I found an armadillo crossing the street in front of our house. An armadillo! Not something you see every day. So, I ran inside to tell my family the exciting discovery I’d just…

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Did You Lock the Door?

Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex? The door swung open and there he was. And there we were. And there it was. Daddy’s ass. Grady: What on EARTH is going on in here? I just got…

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Malcolm Applegate

A man in England lasted only three years with his nagging wife before he “went out for milk” one day and disappeared for ten years. To remain hidden and safe from the old ball and chain, he lived in the…

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Warning: OCD may be deadly.

I have OCD. I mean, all my therapist ever talks about is Generalized Anxiety Disorder but trust me, I have OCD, as well. It’s kinda like my side (dis)order. So, when we discovered the rat problem in our house, it…

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Father-Daughter Dance

She bought a new dress. She had her nails painted. She wore makeup. Her purse was all sparkles. He wore a new belt and matching socks. He gave her flowers. He spun her around. And he had her home by…

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The Luck of the Jewish

Forget leprechauns and shamrocks and The Blarney Stone. If you want to be lucky, just be a Levine. My mother-in-law has had 42 car accidents (3 of which she totaled the car parked behind her in her very own driveway).…

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