Big Pimpin’

Sometimes when I go to the supermarket, I feel like I should be wearing a big gold chain with a dollar sign on it. I’m cruising around Boulder (the most wholesome town on earth) like a pimp. Why? Because Grady…

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Jealousy

Is it normal to be jealous of a two and a half month old baby? I look at him in the swing and think, “If I could just lose enough weight to fit in that thing, I would have the…

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Talking in Fear

My phone conversations suck. I live in fear. I have to whisper or speak in a monotone voice so not to wake or startle Grady. Because if Grady wakes up, the phone conversation is over. Sometimes I feel like those…

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What’s Wrong with This Picture?

So when Grady was one week old my cousin came from California to help us out. Awesome. I decided to take a nap while Jason (the father of my child) and Ali (an educated college student) watch Grady. Between the…

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Thumb Sucker

Grady is going to have the most incredible thigh muscles. He spends the entire night in his crib rotating his body in circles as he chases his thumb. His head stays put. He just peddles round and round in pursuit…

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Grady’s First Fuckin’ Word

We need to change our entire vocabulary. Jason uses the F word as much as… well I can’t think of anything clever but it’s a lot. And 12 years of Catholic school did squat for my language. Thank you, New…

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Breastfeeding Obstacle Course

Grady instantly hated the idea of breastfeeding. I tried everything. He screamed at the top of his tiny little lungs as soon as he saw my boob. Flattering, really. At any given hour in the hospital you could find a…

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Womb

How do all babies smell so good? And where does the scent come from? I have to assume it’s something they developed in mommy’s belly. That’s a lovely scent you’re wearing, Grady. What’s it called? Womb. For men.

It’s Just a Little Pee

“It’s just a little pee.” It’s just a little pee? For real? I said that out loud this morning when Grady peed on my shirt and I decided not to change before going out… in public… I went out with…

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