Grady’s First Fuckin’ Word

We need to change our entire vocabulary. Jason uses the F word as much as… well I can’t think of anything clever but it’s a lot. And 12 years of Catholic school did squat for my language. Thank you, New…

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Breastfeeding Obstacle Course

Grady instantly hated the idea of breastfeeding. I tried everything. He screamed at the top of his tiny little lungs as soon as he saw my boob. Flattering, really. At any given hour in the hospital you could find a…

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Womb

How do all babies smell so good? And where does the scent come from? I have to assume it’s something they developed in mommy’s belly. That’s a lovely scent you’re wearing, Grady. What’s it called? Womb. For men.

It’s Just a Little Pee

“It’s just a little pee.” It’s just a little pee? For real? I said that out loud this morning when Grady peed on my shirt and I decided not to change before going out… in public… I went out with…

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Two Months Old

Wow. Two months past already. I will admit, the saying about time flying by is certainly true. At the ripe old age of two months, Grady has mastered such incredible feats. He can sorta suck his thumb. He rolls over…

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Stuff

I’ve never been a “stuff” girl. But having a baby demands that you have stuff. Play stuff all over the floor in the living room. Stuff in your purse. Stuff in your car. Stuff in the stroller. Stuff on the…

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Oh, That Face

After just being fed, diaper changed and letting out a big burp. I’ve slaved away to make him happy for the past two hours and he looks at me like, “Eh. It was ok. I give you a 6.”

In Da Club

It’s possible that Grady is not our son. He loves club music. Jason and I couldn’t be further from “club people.” But when the screaming starts, I turn to artists like Pitbull and Drake (that might not be their birth…

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Smile

I get so excited when Grady smiles. I smile at him and he smiles back. I make a funny face and he smiles. I do some weird goggly goo sound and he smiles. Then he farts. And stops smiling.

Love Your Shirt

When the cashier at Target proclaims he “loves my shirt.” I am insulted. It’s three times too small and covered in baby puke. If you see a mom and feel bad for her, don’t compliment her. She knows you’re lying…

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