A man in England lasted only three years with his nagging wife before he “went out for milk” one day and disappeared for ten years. To remain hidden and safe from the old ball and chain, he lived in the…
Warning: OCD may be deadly.
I have OCD. I mean, all my therapist ever talks about is Generalized Anxiety Disorder but trust me, I have OCD, as well. It’s kinda like my side (dis)order. So, when we discovered the rat problem in our house, it…
Father-Daughter Dance
She bought a new dress. She had her nails painted. She wore makeup. Her purse was all sparkles. He wore a new belt and matching socks. He gave her flowers. He spun her around. And he had her home by…
She’s a Trucker.
Sometimes I screw up. Sometimes I say bad words in front of my kids. Fucking sue me. So we went to this sweet little book store near our house called Books&Books. I let the kids each buy a book and…
The Luck of the Jewish
Forget leprechauns and shamrocks and The Blarney Stone. If you want to be lucky, just be a Levine. My mother-in-law has had 42 car accidents (3 of which she totaled the car parked behind her in her very own driveway).…
Digital Whoopee Cushion
Grady: Alexa, fart. Alexa: [FART] Are you kidding me? She farts?
Order Up
If there’s one thing my dad and I have in common, it’s that we can’t resist paying for everyone. I got us another round. Put your money away. I already paid. It’s been taken care of. You can pay next…
Llaman
Living in Miami can be very challenging for those of us who don’t speak Spanish. For example, I need to register Annie Bea for kindergarten in the fall but I also need to fill out forms to have her transferred…
Whoa, Girls.
Annie Bea: Mom, what is a bra? Ugh, this is one of those questions that I obviously know the answer to but I for some reason I can’t put it into words. Me: It’s like… A bra is like something…
OctoMom
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the OctoMom is that woman who had eight babies at once. But I’d like to present you with a new OctoMom. Me. Actually, all of us parents are OctoMoms because at any given moment we…