Poop Doggy Dog

Hurricane Irma is on her way. So we left Miami to hunker down and drink out, I mean wait out the storm in Orlando. Meanwhile, the kids are finding new ways to entertain themselves before the wind and rain keep…

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Lemonade Stand

What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t show my children the joys of running a small business? A couple of weeks ago, Grady, Annie Bea and their buddy, Shay, were thrilled to find out we were opening…

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Hurricane Hunters

There was a time when I thought “pilot” was the least likely job for someone like me. But now, I’d like to change my answer to Hurricane Hunter. I was just listening to a guy named Richard Henning report live…

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Missing: Ham

Every Wednesday the pool boy comes. (Don’t get excited, ladies. Our pool boy is overweight with an underbite and wears shockingly tiny shoes.) He makes our pool sparkle and then he leaves. But last Wednesday he forgot to close the…

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Pain in the Neck

Kids are a pain in the ass. But my real problem is the pain in my neck. Every parent knows that tightness between the shoulders from pushing a stroller and a shopping cart and a swing and a tricycle. We’ve…

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Alexa, Play

Grady made a song request of Alexa just as I was yelling at Annie Bea (for the 10th time) to use the bathroom before we leave the house. Here’s what we heard, Alexa: I’m sorry. I can’t find the song,…

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Time Out and Repeat

I don’t understand how my kids can be in time out… crying hysterically… hating life… then get out of time out… repeat the original offense that landed them in time out… go back into time out and do the whole…

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Family Fun Night

This past Wednesday was Family Fun Night at the preschool. If you don’t have kids and always wondered what went down at events like this, allow me to shed some light. 5:30 PM Arrive at the preschool. Park the car.…

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Russian Hackers

My kids are 50% Russian. They also have the codes to our iPhones. You do the math.

Bowling

Me: Guys, guess what? You’re going on a bowling field trip tomorrow at camp! Won’t that be fun? Grady: Yes! I love bowling! Annie Bea: Uch, I don’t want to get sweaty. I’m on Team Annie. I hate bowling almost…

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